How to Avoid Toxic Leadership

Everyone knows that toxic leaders ruin an organization. Ball hogs and junkyard dogs are bad enough on a team but put them in leadership and they’ll “run off” all the true service animals!

What does that leave an organization with? A toxic atmosphere with no “air purifiers” in it. People either stay because: 1) They’re causing the toxicity; 2) They don’t notice the toxicity because they’ve become desensitized to it; or, 3) They notice but have to stay—which means they’ll either shut down to protect themselves, or eventually become toxic themselves to fit in.

I was talking to a client last week who mentioned a senior manager in his department who’d been there for 40 years. She always barked and snapped at everyone, and blamed others whenever anything went wrong. This lady was mean, controlling, harsh, demanding, and uncooperative. How she got her position no one knew, and no one knew why upper management left her  there, given the harm she was doing to morale and productivity.

The description reminded me of a junkyard dog—the alpha—running off whoever preferred a good home to a junkyard!

How can we make our organizational atmospheres more conducive to those who want to collaborate, serve, and build each other up for the good of the whole group?

Two words—Lead well.

1.Lead ourselves—Become “air purifiers”, versus toxic smoke. First, make sure that we’re not the problem. If we discover second-hand smoke, radioactive fallout, and/or chemical-warfare elements in every environment we’re part of, we’re probably the cause! On the other hand, we can be the ones who create warm, welcoming, and wholesome atmospheres wherever we go, regardless of our position.

Much like my dear mother-in-love who resides independently in a senior-center—wherever she goes, she spreads joy, cheer, and encouragement. No matter who she meets, whether maintenance workers, food-service personnel, other residents, or the new owner/CEO, she makes them glad for the encounter. People will even go out of their way to find her, just so they can laugh, smile, and feel better! Imagine whole teams, departments, organizations, companies, and families full of “air-purifying”, “air-freshening”, people like this! It starts with us. Are we a fragrance or a stench?

“’So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.'” Mat. 7:12

2.Lead our peers—Encourage, inspire, and help others. Be a team-player versus a “ball-hog”. As tempting as it is to seek recognition and visibility by doing the “big-impact” and glamorous tasks, in the end, sharing, caring, and collaborating will get us farther, better. How? Those we help and share credit with will (usually) appreciate it and tell others. Even if they don’t publicly acknowledge us, others still see and will report it. Good leaders above us also notice what’s going on. If they don’t notice or care, they’re probably those toxic leaders we don’t want to hang around with anyway.

Also, regardless of the reward of recognition, we’ll feel a lot better having good relationships with those around us in whatever group we’re part of. Well-wishing always works better than causing people to wish us down a well!

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Eph. 4:29

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thes. 5:11

3.Lead upward— Influence those above us in a good way. Support them in changing the atmosphere. Have the courage to give constructive feedback. Depending on who we’re giving feedback to, this can be quite risky. Some leaders, especially the “junkyard dog” types, don’t want to hear from anyone, let alone those under them. Them we leave or avoid. But most leaders above us either don’t mind, and even appreciate it. They want to grow. They want to become more effective in their leadership. They want to know what their team/group is really thinking and what’s really going on. If they don’t hear from us or anyone else about needed improvements, they’ll certainly see the effects—such as low morale, lack of motivation, decrease in work quality, etc. Helping our leaders helps everyone.

“Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.” Prov. 3:27 Even if we have to do it scared, incurring the risk of reprisal, don’t withhold the good of input and suggestions our leaders need.

4.Lead downward— Use whatever authority we have to take out any toxins, even if it means removing a person causing it.

“…whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave…” Mat. 20:26-27

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach… sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach…” 1 Tim. 3:2

Once in this position of influence, go back to #1 and make sure we’re not being, doing, or saying anything to pollute the organizational environment. Let the “clean air act” start with us!

Ways to Reunite the United States

With the Presidential Inauguration two days away, something has to re-unite us before we collapse! As Abraham Lincoln quoted Jesus, “A house divided against itself cannot stand” (Mat. 12:25).

So we need to ask ourselves— Is anything worth a civil war?

In this high-stakes, volatile-issues, polarized, election season, everyone has either felt they’ve won or lost against the other side! 

But when lives are lost, relationships are lost, civility is lost, and hope is lost, who really wins?  Certainly not when a riot broke out and our Capitol building was broken into last week. 

For me, regardless of my own political position, one thing remains higher priority than any issue or even the sum total of them: UNITY. That is, keeping the United States UNITED—somehow—even when so many forces threaten to tear us apart.

Is this possible?  Some say “No– Both the political parties and the people who support them have gotten too extreme—we can never mend the fabric that holds us together.” 

But, idealistic as it may sound, I think we can maintain and/or restore unity in our nation—IF we make it our goal and act accordingly.

How?

1. Find common ground– Yes, it’s hard, especially with controversial, “hot-button” issues and the emotions attached to disagreement over them.  But it’s possible. 

For example, the whole abortion issue—that’s about as emotionally charged as it gets!  The pro-life side accusing the pro-choice side of heartless baby-killing.  The pro-choice side accusing the pro-life side of heartless disregard for the rights and needs of the mother.

And yet—let’s turn this inside-out. Just by looking at the accusations on each side, we can see something in common to both of them—If each feels the other is “heartless”, it means they both VALUE COMPASSION! They/we may never agree on how that’s defined in this instance, but they/we can at least establish that the common-ground of promoting “compassion” exists– Which means the other side, though “misguided”, still has good intentions—which means we can have dialogue with them.

Now apply this to other issues—there’s plenty of them—such as how to develop an economic policy that helps everyone—the point is, those with good intentions on both sides actually DO CARE about everyone.  And so on…

2. Replace fear with understanding– Everyone knows about the “fight or flight” instinct associated with real or perceived danger.  Depending on our personality, we either engage in battle or engage in escape. 

Either way, fear causes anger. We become angry at whatever or whoever is threatening to hurt us and causing us distress.

This applies to the current socio-political environment in our country.  “Liberals” and “conservatives” are afraid of what the other one will do to “irreversibly ruin our nation” and “take away our rights and freedoms”.  And the ones in the “middle” are afraid of both extremes.

I’ve heard people on both sides express these fears, with the same emotions of someone describing an impending nuclear attack that “must be stopped, or else!” 

But what if, instead of assuming the other side is made up of dangerous enemies that we have to figuratively “kill or be killed”, we approach each other with open hearts and open ears?

What if we ask questions and find out what’s driving THEIR concerns, THEIR beliefs, and THEIR behavior?  What if, as in #1 above, this causes us to realize the other side isn’t really out to destroy all we hold dear? 

What if we find out at least some of our labels and preconceptions about “the other side” are false? And that even though some positions really are “wrong” in our opinion, they’re not rooted in evil intent?  Ok—there’s a few “bad guys” out there with bad motives, but–

What if we really understand how and why the “other side” is as afraid of us as we are of them?!  What if we empathize with how and why the “other side” feels and believes as they do?  The “Golden Rule” applies here:  “Do to others whatever you’d like them to do to you”—Mat. 7:12

This brings us to—

3) Replace reviling with respect—Now that we’ve established that the “other side” isn’t (primarily) made up of jerks and monsters, we can treat them as people of value, goodwill, and intelligence, even though we disagree with their viewpoints.  For example—Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Anthony Scalia were friends—they respected each other—even though their worldviews, opinions, and resultant rulings on the Supreme Court often directly opposed each other. 

Let’s follow their example.  Respect begets respect—whether between workmates, classmates, family members, or members of opposing political persuasions.

If we start saying enough nice things to and about each other, it will disappoint the media, but make all of us feel and respond a lot better!  Yes, with some people it takes more searching to find anything good, but it’s there.

It also helps to remember that no one’s perfect, including ourselves, or our favorite politicians!

4) Change our mentality from “us vs. them” to “all of us”—Pluralism brought people to our nation, still brings people here, and keeps people here. As I pointed out in an earlier post—

https://willyounotbeawareofit.wordpress.com/2020/06/22/dealing-with-different-ism/

–different is not necessarily wrong. Just because someone holds different views doesn’t mean they’re “haters”, “intolerant”, “evil”, “selling us out”, etc.  Some might be.  But it’s hard to change anyone by lobbing verbal missiles over a proverbial fence.

When we embrace the reality that we all belong to each other, to one nation, it keeps us in the same space for true dialogue.  It also reminds us that our belonging together transcends any disagreement on how to achieve the best for everyone.  It lets us keep loving those close to us the way we should, without letting politics divide us.

Take my own family (siblings and I), for example.  We’re “split” evenly over political views and those we’d prefer to govern us.  But even though we believe the ones with “wrong” views are woefully misguided, we’ve chosen to keep on loving and trusting each other—because we’re FAMILY.

That’s what family is and does—has a bunch of quirks and disagreements but doesn’t let those tear them apart.

Let’s consider our nation a family and remain the UNITED States of America—“…indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”